Guerra interminada

Sentada, con los ojos cerrados,
miro por la ventana.
Busco ver lo que no hay,
busco encontrar tu dulce aroma.
Busco tu mirada, que sin palabras,
me diga, no te preocupes,
todo pasará mañana.

Pero como ya dije,
busco ver lo que no hay,
con la simple necesidad
de olvidar lo que mi vida sostiene,
mi realidad.

Con los ojos cerrados, sentada,
miro por la ventana.
Intentando evitar mi reflejo en el cristal
otra cosa peor, ante mi se aparenta.
Una pequeña luz, escondida al lado de la luna,
susurrando que la guerra no está terminada.

Aparto la mirada contundente que me poseia,
y dejo descansar mi barbilla sobre mi pecho.
Pensando que todo esto no es más que una pesadilla..
Al abrir los ojos, ya no hay nada.
No hay ventana por donde mirar, ni reflejo que encontrar,
no está la pequeña luz, ni la luna ya acostada.
Solo quedo yo, y mi guerra interminada.

Promesas y Mentiras

Promesas y Mentiras dedicadas a la deriva.

Dulces son tus miradas, pero mi frío no atrapan.

Al apagarse las luces, sola otra vez estaba.

Se que me quieres, pero no es sensato,

ya que yo, de quererte, jamás seré capaz.

Tus ojos marrones como la miel, y

lucidos como tu sonrisa, ingenuos también son.

Ven lo que ver quieren, olvidándose de lo que la realidad es.

La realidad es que no soy quien quieres que sea.

Mis manos reflejan la eterna tensión,

y mi mirada la pasión que nunca seré capaz de darte.

Obligaciones, preocupaciones, dolor y rabia

eso es lo que mi cuerpo refleja.

Recuerdos encerrados para no hacer más daño del que ya hago,

para no recordar, que sola, siempre he estado.

Por eso sé, que tu, explícitamente tú, eso no podrás cambiar.

Así soy yo, delicada y frágil, capaz de destruirme yo misma.

Y aun así me quieres, el porqué sigo sin entenderlo.

Y tampoco quiero.

Secretos

Cosquilleo, adrenalina, saltos, sonrisas,
y aun asi domina el silencio.
Amor, risas, felicidad, ansia contenida,
y sigue dominando el silencio.

Todo sigue su ritmo natural, todo va como siempre
excepto un pequeño detalle, no hay nada que oir.
El silencio lo domina todo, nos esconde, nos encoje
nos hace esclavos de lo nunca revelado,
de los secretos, de la intensidad.

Incluso cuando son lagrimas y llanto, caras vacías
pensamientos ahogados, tristeza profunda,
sigue predominando el silencio.

¿Qué gracia, no? Que siempre hablemos cuando
menos tenemos que decir.

- I'll succed because i'm crazy enough to think i can -

You want to do it? Do it! You want to go for it? Go for it !!
Who is going to stop you? Only you..
You're the only one who can decide for yourself. Yes you're guided until a certain moment, and yes, people will always have influence in you.. But just don't think of everything else! Think about what you want and how bad you want it! You can do it it's only in your hands.

This morning i woke up, with the blur in my head. All confused and numbed, what would i do? Is it worth it? What will happen if i don't do it? What will they think of me either way?..
Along the day, a day full of serious thouhghts, i came to the conclusion: what the hell do i care!
How badly do i want it? that's the question, if it's worth it and you're not hurting anyone with it, then do it!
I really wonder why we are so afraid, why we are so scared of faling.. You want to win? Take a chance. It's that simple, you're not garanteed to always win, but you'll get something out of it anyway.

So this is my list of things i'm simply GOING to do, not think of doing, but DO:
 1-. Start dancing again, so what if i'm not that good, i'm there to learn!
 2-. Start drawing again and sing infront of everybody, i'm dying to do that.
 3-. Be honest with myself. If there's something bodering me, well then it is, i don't need to hide it.
 4-. STÔP caring about people who don't care about me.
 5-. Be happy and enjoy without feeling guilty about it.
 6-. Be MYSELF, for me.
 7-. Turn negative situations into positive ones.
 8-. Take every oportunity that comes along the way and go with it.

                                          - MY IDEA OF BEING HAPPY -

Silence of the night*

Silence.
I just wish a bit of silence,
even when everybody's quite
there's no silence nor peace in my mind.
 It shouts and screams, and it
tells me a million things a time,
but i know what it needs.
It needs LOVE.

And then you appear,
out of nowhere..
Making your entrance,
setteling to simply stay.
Stay close to me, stay with me
make me feel like i'm  not
ALONE.

The raindrops fall, and
along with the leafs,
autumn comes, pleasing our needs.
The final cold oustide,
warms me up like never tried.
Wondering what would of happened
if you were still HERE.

Even the windows don't lie anymore
they show what i've been hiding from.
Not you, not faith, nor destiny.
I've hiding from the fear of simply
losing MYSELF.

Getting wet by rainy tears **

So here I stand, I chose and now I have to live with my desition. When I woke up i felt numbed, as if everything i've been fighting for had desapered, as if today nothing was real.
And the storm arrived, it has been raining, and storming now for two days. And the more it rains and the worse the storm gets, to more i feel releaved, as if all the wait just falls of my shoulders. I can't say i feel happy yet, because right one i'm simply exhausted, but i'm getting there.

Even though i feel so alone at certain times i know i'm not, i may able to fight with everyone around me until the point were I explote, but i know they won't leave and neither will I. And in the meanwhile while we're fighting, i know you are there. That old grumpy man, that's watching over me from high in the skys, just decide to give me a hand. And now it's all clear.

The storm that's been having place in my head, became reality for everyone else. It's raining, allong with my tears, it's thundering while i'm shouting, and i feel how all those angry feelings that had been taking over me slowly desapeer, leaving only my strenght, right where it's supposed to be.

It's this boiling feeling in the middle of my stomach, that place where your guts stands, where you can tell if you're in love, if you feel lonely, if your sad, or simply if something's wrong.
And that's why i know that i'll be able to handle this storm, cause all the rest seems so small and meaningless, so insignificant, so pointless. That strenght inside of me, lets me know that i'll be ok.
That it's all for the better.

Stormss **

We are forced to make choices, or so we think. But the fact is we wouldn't be able to hold it out if we didn't. We choose to make choices, we choose to think, we choose to doubt, we choose to take actions or simply to stand by, and we also choose what we do with the consecuences that come along with it. Because it's our nature, it's what we do.

You know it's funny how so many emotions can take over you, can rule you. But that's also because we let them.. We may not be able to control what life throws at us, but we are able to control our reactions to it. And that's what we do, we fall, we hurt, we burn, but we always get up again. Maybe not at the first time, and maybe not at the second, but somehow, someway we always strike to survive, to be happy. And today I chose.

I've cried, i've hurt, i shouted, i screamed, i did everything, and now, now i'm releaved. I can let go, i can place it. And i chose to just do it. I chose the hard way, because i know that right now it's the right one. So let the storm come, i can face it now. I'll fall, i'll break, i'll hurt all over again but i'm one step closer to know how to live with it.

You've set certain feelings lose that i've been controlling for a very long time, and i'm so gratefull that you just did that. By being yourself.
And now you're here, by my side watching me wright this, witha huge smile on your face, thinking what would i do without you? And there is that sweet and soft kiss on my head, letting me know that you'll be there no matter what, that you love me but that you respect me also. And there are the tears, they speak louder than both of us shouting! They spell HAPPINESS.

#Tu ser

Una caricia, dos besos, un sentido.
una muralla infinita que no derrumba.
Solo tu, en mi vida entras,
me caigo, me levantas.

Soñamos despiertos,
Dolor, rabia, insomnio,
solo felicidad.
Sueños que avivan mi curiosidad.

No hay dia que mi mente no ocupes
dejandome drogada, me elevas.
Ruedo, me doy, toco fondo,
y ahi estás como una liz en la oscuridad.

Dulces miradas, que lo cambian todo.
Me cambian a mí.
Y pienso para mis adentros:
¿Qué haría yo sin ti?

Your strenght **

Thinking of you, i dreamt i lost myself
I fell so deep, and i couldn't get out,
you hipnotised me.

When you'd search for me, i'd hide
When you'd smile, i'd cry
But when you were you, i was no one.

Losing myself, as i found you
Losing everything for nothing
Hoping that you see this too.

Colourful shadows and dark rainbows,
there aren't enough to hide this rush
to forget the pain i feel inside
and pretend that it never existed in my life.

Heaven is my hell, as you are my paradise
i wonder why? just, why you?
i melt, with only your voice,
i dorwn in your hugs,
and your kisses take me somewhere else i don't know.

This is what you do to me,
you make me lose every single thing,
yet i wouldn't change it .

Amor regalado **

Dulces sonrisas, y cariñosas caricias,

 

palabras honestas y sinceras,

 

así me demuestras tu amor.

 

Miradas llenas de pasión y vergüenza,

 

besos suaves e interminables,

esta es mi manera de recibirlo.

 

Prefiero dártelo expresando mi eterno cariño,

pero cada vez que lo intento lo único que de mis labios sale,

es un tímido Te Quiero.

 

No se si algún día podré darte tanto amor como tu me das a mí,

lo que si se es que me pasaré el resto de mis días pensando en ti.

 

No puedo prometerte amor eterno,

pero de momento hoy te quiero hasta no poder más.

Y lo que cuenta no es una promesa que puede quebrar en cualquier momento,

Sino cada uno de los momentos que juntos pasamos.

 

No importa lo que pase mañana, y tampoco se lo que pasará

pero se que, en este momento, te tengo a mi lado

y disfruto de cada segundo que te tengo en mis brazos.

I'm never changing who I am *

                                                    Learning to be HappY**

Life is a challenge, it's full of obstacles that we have to overcome, but when we do, it feels better than anything. This week i went to Italy, with my class, it was our last schooltrip as we all graduate soon. And i can honestly say, that it leaves the best feeling ever. It's not so much about the trip on it's self, but about the feeling it leaves behind, about the memories, about friendship, about yourself.
This week has been emotionaly heavy in every way possible. I've cried, laughed, i've been mad, sad, angry, sick, unhappy, extatic; i've felt the love and the hate, and i've create connections that i thought faded away. In two words: exhausting and unforgettable!

I've seen sides of me that i didn't even know, and i learnt to protect myself from them. I've always been scared to open myself up to people that are strangers to me, or to people that might be able to hurt me, and this week there have been two persons, that cracked me open, that made the effort to get to know me. And it feels so good, it makes me a lot more self-confident than i was. Because i realized that people actually like me for me, and not everyone will run away if they get to know me.

Apart from needing someone, i felt needed by someone else, and loved. I've always had my friends, and of course, Xan, but know someow it feels complete, i feel complete. And only the thought of this puts a smile on my face. I guess i found just one more reason to smile every day.

It's this feeling in my stomach, not only of love, but this feeling that tells me everything is fine, it's alright. Not of guilt, just that i should enjoy it and share it ! And that's what i'ma bout to do!

I can better take this chance and share with everyone, and make other people happy, than sit around feeling guilty about my happines, because i know it won't last forever, but i know it wil always come  back, and when it does the next time, ui'll be ready to accept it and take it in!

                                                                                                                                              xxx - Lex

Colourfull water drops**

                           Tears

Tears aren’t just water drops that fall out of your eyes,

they’re a way of expresion, they carey all you’re emotions.

So when you see or think about tears,

the picture that comes into your mind are fragil cristal looking water drops,

but that’s only the phisical reaction.

What comes outta your soul,  are emotions wich are represented

by millions and millions of coulours.

Each one standing for a different feeling

that colapse into a mix of colourfull drops as they come outta your eyes,

that’s why you only cry when nothing else has worked.

When it’s the only way left to get your emotions out of your sistem.

So crying does not mean you are too sensible or a weany,

it means your brave enough to let the rest of the world know how you feel

and stand in front of them fragil and scared, but also stronger than ever.

It means your confident enough to open yourself up in front of everyone else,

it means your not afraid that they are going to hurt you because your stronger than them.

And the best part of it is that, it doesn’t make you more

 

frustrated or unhappy,

after crying you feel relieved.

Because all those feelings of frustration and pain, and

 

clueless, and any others

come out of your sistem, in a rainbow of coulor that glides

 

down your cheaks.

 

It’s not something you should be embarassed of.

It’s something you should be proud, but you won’t know that feeling

until you give yourself a chance to let alll those emotions out.

And you’ll see that after crying, the only thing that happens is that

 

you shine so bright and purely, no one will even dare to ask

 

themselfs why.

For once your inner strenght talkes for you,

for once you can be yourself...

 

 

 

Happiness

 

HAPPINESS

 

A simple Word, it’s made out of nine caracters,

It’s not long and it’s not even complicated to pronounce.

Why do so many people have a hard time to feel it?

To understand it? And actually, who knows what happiness means?, i don’t. But i feel it all the time.

And this is how it feels like for me:

Sitting outside in the sun, reading a magazine or a book, peacefully, going out with a friend and feeling so comfortable,

Confident and laughing so loud everybody  hears us, feeling beautiful with urself, being creative, feeling inspirated, the smell of moisterizers from our granma....

An endless list. My list.

Just me

                                 We are an adventure on our own

These days i learnt that being me is the only way things work. Maybe not the way we want to, but certainly the way we need to. In my eyes a lot things seem unlogic, but i guess not everyone thinks the way i do, and that's the great thing about this world. I'm me and you are you, and we should be happy with who we are.
I know things can be tough, but that doesn't mean that their hopeless. Sometimes you can fix things by just dealing with them and others you have to step it up, thanks to what we learn a lot more.

And you know what, i know who i am. And if others out there would like to judge me, go ahead! If they want to lose time on me, then that's their problem. I know what i want, who i am, and what i like and as long as i do, i'll be alright.