Getting wet by rainy tears **

So here I stand, I chose and now I have to live with my desition. When I woke up i felt numbed, as if everything i've been fighting for had desapered, as if today nothing was real.
And the storm arrived, it has been raining, and storming now for two days. And the more it rains and the worse the storm gets, to more i feel releaved, as if all the wait just falls of my shoulders. I can't say i feel happy yet, because right one i'm simply exhausted, but i'm getting there.

Even though i feel so alone at certain times i know i'm not, i may able to fight with everyone around me until the point were I explote, but i know they won't leave and neither will I. And in the meanwhile while we're fighting, i know you are there. That old grumpy man, that's watching over me from high in the skys, just decide to give me a hand. And now it's all clear.

The storm that's been having place in my head, became reality for everyone else. It's raining, allong with my tears, it's thundering while i'm shouting, and i feel how all those angry feelings that had been taking over me slowly desapeer, leaving only my strenght, right where it's supposed to be.

It's this boiling feeling in the middle of my stomach, that place where your guts stands, where you can tell if you're in love, if you feel lonely, if your sad, or simply if something's wrong.
And that's why i know that i'll be able to handle this storm, cause all the rest seems so small and meaningless, so insignificant, so pointless. That strenght inside of me, lets me know that i'll be ok.
That it's all for the better.

Stormss **

We are forced to make choices, or so we think. But the fact is we wouldn't be able to hold it out if we didn't. We choose to make choices, we choose to think, we choose to doubt, we choose to take actions or simply to stand by, and we also choose what we do with the consecuences that come along with it. Because it's our nature, it's what we do.

You know it's funny how so many emotions can take over you, can rule you. But that's also because we let them.. We may not be able to control what life throws at us, but we are able to control our reactions to it. And that's what we do, we fall, we hurt, we burn, but we always get up again. Maybe not at the first time, and maybe not at the second, but somehow, someway we always strike to survive, to be happy. And today I chose.

I've cried, i've hurt, i shouted, i screamed, i did everything, and now, now i'm releaved. I can let go, i can place it. And i chose to just do it. I chose the hard way, because i know that right now it's the right one. So let the storm come, i can face it now. I'll fall, i'll break, i'll hurt all over again but i'm one step closer to know how to live with it.

You've set certain feelings lose that i've been controlling for a very long time, and i'm so gratefull that you just did that. By being yourself.
And now you're here, by my side watching me wright this, witha huge smile on your face, thinking what would i do without you? And there is that sweet and soft kiss on my head, letting me know that you'll be there no matter what, that you love me but that you respect me also. And there are the tears, they speak louder than both of us shouting! They spell HAPPINESS.

#Tu ser

Una caricia, dos besos, un sentido.
una muralla infinita que no derrumba.
Solo tu, en mi vida entras,
me caigo, me levantas.

Soñamos despiertos,
Dolor, rabia, insomnio,
solo felicidad.
Sueños que avivan mi curiosidad.

No hay dia que mi mente no ocupes
dejandome drogada, me elevas.
Ruedo, me doy, toco fondo,
y ahi estás como una liz en la oscuridad.

Dulces miradas, que lo cambian todo.
Me cambian a mí.
Y pienso para mis adentros:
¿Qué haría yo sin ti?

Your strenght **

Thinking of you, i dreamt i lost myself
I fell so deep, and i couldn't get out,
you hipnotised me.

When you'd search for me, i'd hide
When you'd smile, i'd cry
But when you were you, i was no one.

Losing myself, as i found you
Losing everything for nothing
Hoping that you see this too.

Colourful shadows and dark rainbows,
there aren't enough to hide this rush
to forget the pain i feel inside
and pretend that it never existed in my life.

Heaven is my hell, as you are my paradise
i wonder why? just, why you?
i melt, with only your voice,
i dorwn in your hugs,
and your kisses take me somewhere else i don't know.

This is what you do to me,
you make me lose every single thing,
yet i wouldn't change it .

Amor regalado **

Dulces sonrisas, y cariñosas caricias,

 

palabras honestas y sinceras,

 

así me demuestras tu amor.

 

Miradas llenas de pasión y vergüenza,

 

besos suaves e interminables,

esta es mi manera de recibirlo.

 

Prefiero dártelo expresando mi eterno cariño,

pero cada vez que lo intento lo único que de mis labios sale,

es un tímido Te Quiero.

 

No se si algún día podré darte tanto amor como tu me das a mí,

lo que si se es que me pasaré el resto de mis días pensando en ti.

 

No puedo prometerte amor eterno,

pero de momento hoy te quiero hasta no poder más.

Y lo que cuenta no es una promesa que puede quebrar en cualquier momento,

Sino cada uno de los momentos que juntos pasamos.

 

No importa lo que pase mañana, y tampoco se lo que pasará

pero se que, en este momento, te tengo a mi lado

y disfruto de cada segundo que te tengo en mis brazos.

I'm never changing who I am *

                                                    Learning to be HappY**

Life is a challenge, it's full of obstacles that we have to overcome, but when we do, it feels better than anything. This week i went to Italy, with my class, it was our last schooltrip as we all graduate soon. And i can honestly say, that it leaves the best feeling ever. It's not so much about the trip on it's self, but about the feeling it leaves behind, about the memories, about friendship, about yourself.
This week has been emotionaly heavy in every way possible. I've cried, laughed, i've been mad, sad, angry, sick, unhappy, extatic; i've felt the love and the hate, and i've create connections that i thought faded away. In two words: exhausting and unforgettable!

I've seen sides of me that i didn't even know, and i learnt to protect myself from them. I've always been scared to open myself up to people that are strangers to me, or to people that might be able to hurt me, and this week there have been two persons, that cracked me open, that made the effort to get to know me. And it feels so good, it makes me a lot more self-confident than i was. Because i realized that people actually like me for me, and not everyone will run away if they get to know me.

Apart from needing someone, i felt needed by someone else, and loved. I've always had my friends, and of course, Xan, but know someow it feels complete, i feel complete. And only the thought of this puts a smile on my face. I guess i found just one more reason to smile every day.

It's this feeling in my stomach, not only of love, but this feeling that tells me everything is fine, it's alright. Not of guilt, just that i should enjoy it and share it ! And that's what i'ma bout to do!

I can better take this chance and share with everyone, and make other people happy, than sit around feeling guilty about my happines, because i know it won't last forever, but i know it wil always come  back, and when it does the next time, ui'll be ready to accept it and take it in!

                                                                                                                                              xxx - Lex