Guerra interminada

Sentada, con los ojos cerrados,
miro por la ventana.
Busco ver lo que no hay,
busco encontrar tu dulce aroma.
Busco tu mirada, que sin palabras,
me diga, no te preocupes,
todo pasará mañana.

Pero como ya dije,
busco ver lo que no hay,
con la simple necesidad
de olvidar lo que mi vida sostiene,
mi realidad.

Con los ojos cerrados, sentada,
miro por la ventana.
Intentando evitar mi reflejo en el cristal
otra cosa peor, ante mi se aparenta.
Una pequeña luz, escondida al lado de la luna,
susurrando que la guerra no está terminada.

Aparto la mirada contundente que me poseia,
y dejo descansar mi barbilla sobre mi pecho.
Pensando que todo esto no es más que una pesadilla..
Al abrir los ojos, ya no hay nada.
No hay ventana por donde mirar, ni reflejo que encontrar,
no está la pequeña luz, ni la luna ya acostada.
Solo quedo yo, y mi guerra interminada.

Promesas y Mentiras

Promesas y Mentiras dedicadas a la deriva.

Dulces son tus miradas, pero mi frío no atrapan.

Al apagarse las luces, sola otra vez estaba.

Se que me quieres, pero no es sensato,

ya que yo, de quererte, jamás seré capaz.

Tus ojos marrones como la miel, y

lucidos como tu sonrisa, ingenuos también son.

Ven lo que ver quieren, olvidándose de lo que la realidad es.

La realidad es que no soy quien quieres que sea.

Mis manos reflejan la eterna tensión,

y mi mirada la pasión que nunca seré capaz de darte.

Obligaciones, preocupaciones, dolor y rabia

eso es lo que mi cuerpo refleja.

Recuerdos encerrados para no hacer más daño del que ya hago,

para no recordar, que sola, siempre he estado.

Por eso sé, que tu, explícitamente tú, eso no podrás cambiar.

Así soy yo, delicada y frágil, capaz de destruirme yo misma.

Y aun así me quieres, el porqué sigo sin entenderlo.

Y tampoco quiero.

Secretos

Cosquilleo, adrenalina, saltos, sonrisas,
y aun asi domina el silencio.
Amor, risas, felicidad, ansia contenida,
y sigue dominando el silencio.

Todo sigue su ritmo natural, todo va como siempre
excepto un pequeño detalle, no hay nada que oir.
El silencio lo domina todo, nos esconde, nos encoje
nos hace esclavos de lo nunca revelado,
de los secretos, de la intensidad.

Incluso cuando son lagrimas y llanto, caras vacías
pensamientos ahogados, tristeza profunda,
sigue predominando el silencio.

¿Qué gracia, no? Que siempre hablemos cuando
menos tenemos que decir.

- I'll succed because i'm crazy enough to think i can -

You want to do it? Do it! You want to go for it? Go for it !!
Who is going to stop you? Only you..
You're the only one who can decide for yourself. Yes you're guided until a certain moment, and yes, people will always have influence in you.. But just don't think of everything else! Think about what you want and how bad you want it! You can do it it's only in your hands.

This morning i woke up, with the blur in my head. All confused and numbed, what would i do? Is it worth it? What will happen if i don't do it? What will they think of me either way?..
Along the day, a day full of serious thouhghts, i came to the conclusion: what the hell do i care!
How badly do i want it? that's the question, if it's worth it and you're not hurting anyone with it, then do it!
I really wonder why we are so afraid, why we are so scared of faling.. You want to win? Take a chance. It's that simple, you're not garanteed to always win, but you'll get something out of it anyway.

So this is my list of things i'm simply GOING to do, not think of doing, but DO:
 1-. Start dancing again, so what if i'm not that good, i'm there to learn!
 2-. Start drawing again and sing infront of everybody, i'm dying to do that.
 3-. Be honest with myself. If there's something bodering me, well then it is, i don't need to hide it.
 4-. STÔP caring about people who don't care about me.
 5-. Be happy and enjoy without feeling guilty about it.
 6-. Be MYSELF, for me.
 7-. Turn negative situations into positive ones.
 8-. Take every oportunity that comes along the way and go with it.

                                          - MY IDEA OF BEING HAPPY -

Silence of the night*

Silence.
I just wish a bit of silence,
even when everybody's quite
there's no silence nor peace in my mind.
 It shouts and screams, and it
tells me a million things a time,
but i know what it needs.
It needs LOVE.

And then you appear,
out of nowhere..
Making your entrance,
setteling to simply stay.
Stay close to me, stay with me
make me feel like i'm  not
ALONE.

The raindrops fall, and
along with the leafs,
autumn comes, pleasing our needs.
The final cold oustide,
warms me up like never tried.
Wondering what would of happened
if you were still HERE.

Even the windows don't lie anymore
they show what i've been hiding from.
Not you, not faith, nor destiny.
I've hiding from the fear of simply
losing MYSELF.

Getting wet by rainy tears **

So here I stand, I chose and now I have to live with my desition. When I woke up i felt numbed, as if everything i've been fighting for had desapered, as if today nothing was real.
And the storm arrived, it has been raining, and storming now for two days. And the more it rains and the worse the storm gets, to more i feel releaved, as if all the wait just falls of my shoulders. I can't say i feel happy yet, because right one i'm simply exhausted, but i'm getting there.

Even though i feel so alone at certain times i know i'm not, i may able to fight with everyone around me until the point were I explote, but i know they won't leave and neither will I. And in the meanwhile while we're fighting, i know you are there. That old grumpy man, that's watching over me from high in the skys, just decide to give me a hand. And now it's all clear.

The storm that's been having place in my head, became reality for everyone else. It's raining, allong with my tears, it's thundering while i'm shouting, and i feel how all those angry feelings that had been taking over me slowly desapeer, leaving only my strenght, right where it's supposed to be.

It's this boiling feeling in the middle of my stomach, that place where your guts stands, where you can tell if you're in love, if you feel lonely, if your sad, or simply if something's wrong.
And that's why i know that i'll be able to handle this storm, cause all the rest seems so small and meaningless, so insignificant, so pointless. That strenght inside of me, lets me know that i'll be ok.
That it's all for the better.

Stormss **

We are forced to make choices, or so we think. But the fact is we wouldn't be able to hold it out if we didn't. We choose to make choices, we choose to think, we choose to doubt, we choose to take actions or simply to stand by, and we also choose what we do with the consecuences that come along with it. Because it's our nature, it's what we do.

You know it's funny how so many emotions can take over you, can rule you. But that's also because we let them.. We may not be able to control what life throws at us, but we are able to control our reactions to it. And that's what we do, we fall, we hurt, we burn, but we always get up again. Maybe not at the first time, and maybe not at the second, but somehow, someway we always strike to survive, to be happy. And today I chose.

I've cried, i've hurt, i shouted, i screamed, i did everything, and now, now i'm releaved. I can let go, i can place it. And i chose to just do it. I chose the hard way, because i know that right now it's the right one. So let the storm come, i can face it now. I'll fall, i'll break, i'll hurt all over again but i'm one step closer to know how to live with it.

You've set certain feelings lose that i've been controlling for a very long time, and i'm so gratefull that you just did that. By being yourself.
And now you're here, by my side watching me wright this, witha huge smile on your face, thinking what would i do without you? And there is that sweet and soft kiss on my head, letting me know that you'll be there no matter what, that you love me but that you respect me also. And there are the tears, they speak louder than both of us shouting! They spell HAPPINESS.